Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
