I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
