and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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