I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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