I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
