there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
