My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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