i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
