I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize