lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
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