also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
