john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
