She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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