I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
