Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
