I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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