Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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