I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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