I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
