Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
