there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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