I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
