I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
