I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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