things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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