So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
ttyl tear gas
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
