She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
