We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
