ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
