If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
