dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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