she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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