My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize