Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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