Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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