I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
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69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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