today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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