dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
