is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
