We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
