You can't special order awesome
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
