he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
