Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
