Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
