Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
