True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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