Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
