i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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