Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
