Moan for me like Helen Keller
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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