you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i think my cat just said my name.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
