my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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