i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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