it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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