Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
