i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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