party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
