If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
