dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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