I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
