I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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