why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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