My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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