last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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