Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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