Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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